There are no cars in the drive-thru area, but you skirt around towards the order window, hoping to escape the glare of The Yumbo Man, yet too nervous to enter the restaurant itself. A spit and pop from the speaker. You can't understand the words through the static, but you know their meaning.
The grasses wave their golden seedheads at you. Nobody else is here. you could order anything. Or nothing. You could order a single black coffee and leave, and nobody would be sad. There are no taunting posters, no promises of Meal Deals and Free toys, here on the shaded side of the building.
The speaker crackles and pops again, then starts to hiss steadily, louder and louder. Was the shadow always so deep? you look up, and realise almost before you see it, that the statue is turned now to look down upon you, and its face is no longer Welcoming...
Suddenly, the hiss cuts out into a fogged voice, intoning "That'll be kkschrsckllssssect your order at the window."
You move towards the window with dread hot in your stomach and the eyes of The Yumbo Man cold on the top of your skull. Behind the perspex, a shadowy shape moves. All is indistinct. It takes all your bravery to push a few sweaty req up onto the counter, and in response sound pours out through the little speaker set in the perspex, static in a hissing roar like being buried in cicadas, a scream so loud it doubles you over in pain. It fades, after an agonising, breathless moment, and you straighten enough to see what is set on the counter for you, wrapped in trademark yellow and red paper, sweating through it already. You take the Yumbo you have ordered, and say thank you, to nobody.
Consider:
Under the flickering yellow logo of The Yumbo King is a square white sign, the kind with re-arrangeable letters, for the latest offers and specials. It reads:
______WE FORGE
_________THE CHAINS
____________WE WEAR
_______________IN LIFE
The board covers too much of the window to ignore, the server shelters behind it, so you do not have to look at a human face whilst you commit your sins. It is plastered with posters and flyers in no rational order, seeming to be decades apart in age and design sense.
Yumbo King is proud to announce out newest holiday tradition that you have always partaken in. The Yumbo on your Shelf. Who put it there? Did you put it there? How long has it been there? When did you put it there? Why don't you remember putting it there? Was it there yesterday? Was it over there yesterday? Where has it gone? Where did you put it? Where is the Yumbo on the Shelf?
Available for a limited time, including the entirety of your life and all of that what comes after. The Yumbo will follow you.
No purchase required for entry.
This Easter! The KY Yumbizza! With injection moulded bunnies and marshmallow Yummy Yumbo dip!!!!
Celebrate springtime with a timeless classic.
It is here.
Every spring, the Sakura Yumbo comes out in Japan. Fans on these shores stare at their social media feeds, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Their hungry stares lap up the beaming faces, the artfully disheveled wrappers, the pristine embossing on the bun.
It is a perfection (like the Corn Yumbo, the Maple Yumbo, the Genmaicha Yumbo and the rumored Chocomint Yumbo) that we have never grasped on these shores, until now.
Yes. For the thirtieth anniversary of the entry into the Japanese market, the Water Yumbo is released here, replacing the buns with raindrop cake, a vision too perfect to behold and remain sane
for
the
ham
refracts
Further down the flyers overlap, the paper curled and yellowed. some are burnt.
--fan favorite, The McYumbo. Made with what might be real rib--
-- new McYumbo Vanilla, with flavoured bun--
--Griddled Stuff'd Yumbo, for the devouring need--
--Shamrock Yumbo, limited time only--
--new to the Yumbo King this fall: the Yumbizza Wet. Experience the hydration--
--Yumbizza Wet All Day Energy Lemon Lime--
There are so many Yumbos, and yet, they are all one.